it never ends. i can choose to love my body, take care of it and accept responsibility for my eating habits, or i can be on a diet and worry about how i look, literally, until i die....
i see women every single day and they order salads and diet Pepsi. i just assume that they are bitchy because they are hungry.
i know that i need to lead a more active lifestyle, and change my eating habits, but there has to be a common ground, some happy place where i can eat french fries with out feeling guilty about it, and want to make food that nurtures your body. there has to be a place of balance where working out is not a chore and eating doesn't seem like so much work; choices are less big caloric decisions than a simple yes or no i do or do not want that.
SOMEBODY DRAW ME A MAP!!!
in my perfect world, i BOUNCE out of bed eager for my 7 am run, and make good food choices all day seamlessly and flawlessly because they come so naturally, i am not actually making decisions at all....drinks tons of water, get all my, well, everything, and sleep at night so well, i can bounce out of bed the next day...as if spring loaded...
i think people like this exist...im not sure, but i have been led to believe...
in my real world, i slug out of bed, run to work, try and grab something from the house so i don't have to limit myself to the choices from the SL, drink coffee and tea, agonize over my cream and sugar choices, get toast, but keep it dry, saving those extra calories for who knows what....run through an average shift at work, try to slug down some water, try and eat a good lunch...unless i have an above average day of work which leads to stress eating of french fries and blue cheese...some times red meat and if an INTENSELY above average day, a gin and tonic or 2....come home, agonize over what to make for dinner, what i want what my 6'3" husband who never gains weight wants (or should have so he doesn't lose anymore weight).....
its exhausting! i know i think about food too much. i have some sort of preoccupation.
our family is pre-dis positioned to addictive behaviors, and i think eating is one of them.
yes. my life would be easier if food didn't exist.
is that all i have to do? not think about food? instead of trying to figure out what is the best thing to do in all situations and posses such a pre-occupation with it, maybe just give it up. do the best i can, stop fucking thinking about it all the time. quit worrying about dinner, and sugar packets and fooooood.
ugh.
im going to try and draw that map this week and see what happens.
i don't want to be even 40 and on a diet. i want to have my shit together so well that my DIET its self is all the really good choices i make naturally and effortlessly...without thinking about it...
