words

I’m not going to die because I failed as someone else. I’m going to succeed as myself.

Margaret Cho, I'm The One That I Want, 1999

i dont want to feel like a hypocrite here. i try and be so positive, and even though i feel like i am on a good path, i STILL look at other girls and think, my god. i COULD wear those pants, but where in the hell would i put my other leg? i suppose that it is not enough to LOVE your body, as i am trying to learn to do, but to also understand that it is YOURS and you shouldnt cheat on it. by cheat on it i mean covet thy neighbors goods or wife...aka...dont wish for another persons legs, ass, stomach or jaw line. you got to be on your own team. stand up for your little butt, or big butt, or small chest or large chest...whatever it is, ITS YOURS to keep forever! comparing and disecting it isnt being very kind to yourself. and if you feel like there is a problem that you would like to improve, do something about it. like go for a walk, a run, snowshoeing.... i am all about pro-activity. and yet...and yet...just like everyone, i still see girls and i think....really? is that possible?

lol. apparently it is. i just have remind myself that they too most likely are not happy with their general apparence, or have some miniscule flaw that they would love to "fix".

so what the hell is my point? i dont even know half the time. mostly that pining over another persons amazing legs, or flat stomach is only going to make you feel bad. and why should you?

I am beautiful. so are you.

"thin" is a stuipd fucking word. honestly. our society gives this word SO much power. so is "fat". stupid fucking word.

i understand that there some girls that are just naturally built smaller, and im not saying that to be thin is a bad thing because some people are, and you ladies are all beautiful too.

but that is not in my genetics and i am going to stop coveting it.

i can think of a million other words that i would rather be described as....

smart, funny, honest, good friend, caring, loving, generous, lovable, well-read, intelligent, cute, light hearted, chef, motivated, positive, well traveled, articulate, cultured, diverse, unique, warm, amazing, loved, just fucking amazing in general.....

and if not one person in my life every says. oh. susann is so thin. i will be just fine with that.

i fi am not ever described as the above mentioned, i would be devestated!